On The Hilarity of Writing Sex Scenes… But Why They’re Important

Image Credit: MissDior, Fanpop.com

I was once told by a rather hysterical reader of the first two books in my Eternity series, The Shattered Genesis and The Bargaining Path (both available for free on Amazon, Nook, Smashwords!) that there was too much sex in the books. Strangely, from the tone of this reader’s voice, I gathered that the abundance of sex scenes wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, it was merely exhilarating, and maybe a little exhausting? I don’t know, I just took “too much” to mean excessive, but you can never have too many sexy sex scenes, right, so long as there is a story, too.

I don’t know why, but I’ve had the idea for this post in my mind for a while. Maybe it’s because writing sex scenes is such hilarious business, regardless of who you are or how mature you claim to be. For instance, I think, for a 23-year-old, I’m pretty mature, if one can measure maturity in terms of completion of undergraduate college, entry into the “real” world, and like, not laughing at fart jokes. Well, most fart jokes. But regardless of my maturity, I still find myself either outwardly laughing or cringing when I try to write sex scenes. The second I start to write about James sliding his hand between Brynna’s legs, or Brynna grasping hold of him (‘cuz that’s how I always phrase it) I immediately picture my parents, my teachers, my conservative friends, my grandmother, the Pope, and other random spectators standing behind me either snickering or gasping.

Anyone who has read my book knows that the main character, Brynna, is romantically involved with a man, James, who is twenty-three years her senior. James and Brynna have lots of sex. And it’s not the implied, “He ran his rough hands up my smooth thighs, kissed my lips, and… then we awoke the next morning, gently asphyxiated by the sheets that were snaked tightly around us from our night of wild, passionate love-making…” No. I’m not gratuitous, either–I refrain from mentioning bodily fluids, because though I am sure some people are into such things, I find them to be unnecessary details that are off-putting at best–but I’m also not a “caress-of-inner-thigh, fade-to-black” kind of gal, either. And do you want to know the best part of it? Even though I laugh or cringe sometimes, I love writing a good sex scene. Even if I have to laugh at having to choose between writing “erection” or “bulge in his pants,” and even as I struggle for hours trying to find a sexy word for “vagina” and “penis” that isn’t totally creepy like “manhood” and “womanhood” or totally ridiculous like “cockpit” and… “cock”… by the time I’m done writing the scene, I realize that I have done exactly what I set out to do, which is to show James and Brynna as a healthy, happy couple who enjoy a healthy, happy, sexy-as-fuck (ha!) sex life.

So, let’s say that this person who said there was too much sex in the book was saying that the sex is a detraction or a distraction (or a detracting distraction?) Why do I include them in the book? Well, because part of Brynna’s character development involves evolving from a young woman who is scared of men and physical/emotional intimacy into a young woman who embraces her sexuality and enjoys having sex, to put it far too simply. One of my favorite sex scenes I have ever written came (ha!) in the second book, when Brynna tells James how badly she wants him all the time. She says that regardless of where they are, sometimes she just wants to rip his clothes off and screw his brains out (though she puts it eloquently, of course, it’s Brynna). My intention here is to show that Brynna takes charge of her sexuality and is unashamed of her wildly intense sexual desire for her partner. She owns that she wants him.

I write sex scenes and include them in the books for no other reason than that they show Brynna, in her unconventional relationship with this older man, taking control of and enjoying her sex life. I am going to get real philosophical-like right now, and say that sometimes in our society, females are demonized for wanting sex, for having sex, and sometimes, for just the opposite. Alice, another character in the novel, constantly chastises herself for still being a virgin after dating the same guy for three years, and she is always gently assured, by either her guy or Brynna or any of the other characters, that as long as she is making that decision for her sake, then it is the right decision. If there is one message I want to be conveyed by these characters and their sex scenes (or lack thereof) it is that no matter the personal choice one makes on this matter, as long as one is preserving his or her health–physical, emotional, and spiritual–then it’s all good.

And besides, regardless of word choice (manhood < penis, cockpit < vagina, and what about clitoris and balls? Why do I find those words so unsexy?! And what about for “butt?!” “Ass” is too much, but “butt” (ha!!) is like elementary school, and we’re writing sex scenes here!!) sex scenes make the story just a little more exciting. I seriously don’t mean that as a pun.

Image Credit: http://sciencenewsinquotes.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/penicillin-not-the-pill-may-have-launched-the-sexual-revolution/

Make love, not war, man. This post was so 1960’s. The sexual revolution, man… No, but seriously, SEX IS GOOD AND NATURAL. Let’s treat it as such, shall we?

 

 

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